Dear Reader,
At Delphi, the oracle allegedly proclaimed that no man was wiser than Socrates. The oracle also foretold of a great chain of Internet content, a terrible machinery which churns and renders the sparks of human creativity into the dopaminergic phlogiston of the Information Age: ‘content’.
I assure you that the following is verbatim from the oracle:
Content often begins its life in the disparate communities of various niche Internet forums. The fledgeling is disseminated through the perfect filters of Reddit, Twitch, and 4chan, where it undergoes various transformations—both substantial and superficial. As the coarsest grinds of content are dislodged, they either have enough momentum to be attracted into the aggressive pull of TikTok, or they become prized relics to be hoovered up by the Internet Archive and occasional YouTube essay.
TikTok’s incredible oscillation causes the luckiest content to explode in a violent and fantastic eruption of highly contagious offshoots. During this period, it enjoys the highest concentration of split-second human attention. It’s a dazzling sight.
Having reached peak dopaminergic potential, the irradiated content slowly drifts downwards towards the gentle cradles of Instagram and Snapchat. Here its remaining brilliance may be enjoyed in the surreal blend of obnoxious icons and obnoxious-er captions.
Once the content nears the end of its lifespan, its fragile and dimming frame is collected by the warehouse conveyor belts of Facebook’s algorithm. The winter of its life is bleak. It will endure various low-quality edits, shares, and laughing-crying emojis until it is harvested completely of moisture.
The dry content bolus is ejected into the void.
Even the oracle was unable to estimate for how long these vacuous masses drift through cyberspace. They may become encased in ice, form twisted faces because of the horrors, or perhaps leave pretty digital comet trails. Nobody knows because there are none to observe them.
After seconds or aeons, the relentless many arms of Bing will find them in the void. The husks are irreverently plucked and mercilessly rehydrated with corporate Newspeak slogans and innumerable SEO hashtags. This—arguably—gives the impression of life.
Finally, the taxidermy is eaten by the joyous, bulging eyes of LinkedIn. No fluff. High impact. Engagement perpetuity.
The oracle did not speak of the Platform Formerly Known as Twitter.
Thank you for your attention.
Kind regards,
Kai Tebay
PS: Unless you have observed specific and tangible benefit from it, I encourage you to join me in deleting your LinkedIn. Get LinkedOut, if you will.